The Proof Is In The Water
Lisa. Freaking. Marie. Presley.
Honestly, I am kind of afraid to write anything bad about her because I quiver when thinking about a catfight with her. I imagine her as ruthless- scratching nails, pulling hair, and all that. But I’m gonna take my chances and say what I feel:
How the hell is this woman pregnant? I imagine her insides being full of stale cigarette butts and warm beer. Yet, somehow it’s fertile enough for something to grow in the womb.
Seriously, all these women in the Northeast with their in vitro sperminization and blabbity blah. All they have to go is get on a five hour flight to LA. They will be pregnant by the time their luggage comes out at the baggage claim. It’s science.
A French Toast
Carla Bruni, fiancee of French president Nicolas Sarkozy, is reportedly pregnant.
I can only imagine how much outrage there would be in this country if the American president divorced his wife and then got engaged and made an embryo with another woman within seven weeks.
Especially a woman whose career included making photos like this:
Twist!
Pam Anderson is pregnant!
Bravo, Pam. And we all thought your acting was amazing. Apparently, you have perfect family planning skills as well. During a divorce is a convenient time to make a baby. Someone, give this woman an award quick, before the writers make them all disappear!
Even Nicole Kidman Is Keeping Up With The Trend
Her rep has confirmed those pregnancy rumors!
Here’s hoping she has a safe and healthy pregnancy.
And that this kid won’t leave her for the scientology club like her kids with Tom Crazy Cruise did.
Just as most times when you think you are safe,
You really aren’t. Things get worst.
To see the most disgusting result of all these women getting pregnant, click here.
Remember, I warned you. (Hint : They were supposedly lesbians. That changed.)
And it might not be suitable for the workplace.
Conspirababy Theory
I am starting to think that someone in L.A. is replacing the water supply with pimp juice. Every single female with connection to the entertainment industry is pregnant. Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Lopez, Jamie Lynn Spears, Jessica Alba, Cate Blanchett, Lily Allen, Nicole Richie, that girl from “The Office”, Mr. Big’s girlfriend, the list goes on and on.
And then today Jessica Sierra, that girl from “American Idol” who has resurfaced to fame due to cocaine charges and a videotape of her vomiting in a jail, is officially pregnant. Hello? She was just booked for coke charges and she’s currently behind bars and somehow she’s with child? What is going on?
I’m staying away from southern California and only drinking water from Brita for the next few weeks. Keep your eyes out for an announcement from Dolly Parton this upcoming week.
Sick.
Booted Off My Favorites List
Sorry, Lily Allen but smoking while pregnant isn’t cool.
And they say Americans are trashy! Pish posh!
However, I might give her the benefit of the doubt since this photo is from two weeks ago and she announced her pregnancy yesterday. Unfortunately for her, it was a bit over-shadowed by an announcement from Camp Spears. Lily is pregnant with the spawn of one of the dudes from the Chemical Brothers whom she has been dating for the past three months.
Three months? That’s the length of one trimester! These kids these days!
Like Mother, Like Sisters
Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant.
And sixteen.
Although the public garners Britney with negative attention, her younger sister always seemed to appear in the spotlight solely for positive reasons. While starring in a very successful Nickelodeon show, she seemed like the wholesome star parents would want their young teenagers to look up to. And then this bomb exploded.
Granted, a pregnancy is not the worst thing that could happen to a teen girl. She is not the first, nor the last sixteen year old to be impregnated, and this baby will most likely be loved and cared for and not thrown to the side. And ultimately, as long as the baby is cared for and loved and the mother is happy, it really isn’t any of my business.
However, I am going to make one point about this being my business:
Spears reportedly was living with her nineteen year old non-famous boyfriend.
Now, we know Mama Spears is not the perfect mother. She pimped Britney Spears out as the biggest cash cow ever at age sixteen. She let her daughter appear as a baby prostitute nationwide before her eighteenth birthday. She also gave her seal of approval to having Kevin Federline as a son-in-law. She still hasn’t stepped in and tried helping Britney with all of her drug and substance abuse problems, even though they probably all come from her mother making her a sex symbol before being able to buy cigarettes.
And despite seeing firsthand what young fame can do, Mama Spears brought her other daughter in on the game too. And then gave the thumbs up for her sixteen year-old daughter to live with a boyfriend.
Oh, and she has a deal to write a parenting book for Christian publisher Thomas Nelson. Go figure.
Looks like Mama Spears really loves either having crazy daughters or bunches of grandkids.
About Damn Time
Oh baby baby baby baby.
The two ballooning singers with tight-lipped mouths have finally come honest about the fact that they each are pregnant with their first children.
Both Christina Aguilera and Jennifer Lopez confirmed this week they are expecting to give birth within the next few months. Christina revealed it during a magazine interview, and Jennifer shared her not-so-secretive secret to the audience during the final concert on her tour.
Let’s be honest here. This is about as relevant as these women announcing we live on planet Earth. The shocking announcement here would be for Christina Aguilera to announce that she hadn’t gone into labor four months ago or Jennifer Lopez revealing that her ass had merely decided to grow six inches above and on the other side of her body.
In all serious aspects, it is nice that some things are kept private and personal by those who live so much in the public eye. And very little in the world is as personal as a pregnancy.
