During a recent discussion with dear friends, we discussed the ever entertaining Girls Next Door starring blonde bombshells Hugh Hefner girlfriends.  Anyone who stands next to magazines while purchasing groceries knows that all three girls have moved out of the Playboy Mansion, but as one of E!’s most popular shows, new episodes are pumping out and its bound to be synidcated for reruns soon enough.  The discussion that evening was based on whether the show should be on television.  And as it is one of the few shows making us, even if only at a superficial level, question where nonmonogamous relationships belong in our culture, I think we need more and definitely not less.

Pop  culture has thus far shown these relationships at the extremes.  On one hand, we have Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends which are protrayed in a lovable, adorable, at times upright innocent manner.  On the other hand, we have those images of the polygamous camp news story of marriages performed to girls as young as 12 that exploded some time this fall.  And in the middle, we have probably the most provocative take which is the HBO show “Big Love”.  But still, in these three perspectives all we see is either Mormons or girls using an old man for his money while they still have their looks.

Is this really the best our culture can come up with?  Even in Sex and the City the closest they came to discussing nonmonogamous relationships was probably a three-way.  According to a recent article in the New Yorker, there is, albeit limited and super discreet, a number of couples who enjoy relationships beyond physical commitment barriers.  Beyond the occasional Real Worlder who has a boyfriend back home and is doing the open relationship thing until those four months in a different city end,  where the heck are these couples?!? I’m not particularly advocating CBS to pick up this as a new after-school special but couldn’t we do better than just that measely side plot in “How to Make an American Quilt”?

Not to point my finger and blame the industry for society’s ills, but it seems that when such a subgroup exists, sometimes it is best to illuminate it in some spotlight.  Whether it’s fiction like Queer as Folk which brought real gay issues and softcore porn to Showtime or documentaries such as MTV’s True Life, these shows do bring into our living room the realization that these people exist and are not to be merely joked about.  We all can likely name one couple we know to be swingers in our hometown and probably all giggle when we hear their name.  And although private lives are private for a reason, a relationship based on consentual decisions by two or more adults that harms no one should in some way be respected.

Update: I did recewntly see some hour long special on one of those TLC type channels.  I believe it was called “My Three Wives”  and followed the drama of a nonmonogamous man who had two wives and kids with each and wanted to bring a long time friend in to be #3.  The kids didn´t like, the wives didn´t like it, so in the end, the potential #3 ended up in tears and moving out of the house.  At the end of the episode, they show the “where are they now” text and apparently, wife #2 moved out and wife #1 filed a legal divorce and the man now says he is going to try to remain monogamous. Dang, if they can´t make it, is there any hope for the rest of us?