Ask and Ye Shall Receive.

I’m alright, don’t feel sorry ’cause it’s true – when I’m gone, you realize I’m the best thing to happen to you.  You always love me more miles away.  Miles Away.Madonna

And while that might be the most relevant breakup song of the moment, I give you, dear readers, my favorite breakup songs of all time.

1) Shit On The Radio.Nelly Furtado (The “I Just Realized How Much Better I Am Than You” Slow Song)

I remember the days when I was so eager to satisfy you and be less than I was to prove I could walk beside you.  And now that I’ve flown away, you curse the day I decided to stay true to myself.

2) Brand New Man.Letter Kills (The Happy Dance Song When You Know The Other Person Is Gonna Be Hurt by a New Person)

I can’t complain, I just walked away and took more steps towards being safe.  Baby, you just bought yourself a brand new man.

3) Don’t Bother.Shakira (The Sad Song About When They Date Someone Better Than You)

For you, I would give up all I own and move to a communist country, if you came with me of course.  And I’d file my nails so they don’t hurt you, lose those pounds, learn about futbol… if it made you stay.  But you won’t.  But you won’t.

4) I Could Say.Lily Allen (The Song About How Happy You Are Now)

Since you’ve gone, I’ve lost that chip on my shoulder.  Since you’ve gone, I feel like I’ve grown older.  Now you’re gone, it’s as if the whole wide world is my stage.  Now you’ve gone, it’s like I’ve been let out of my cage.

5) Happy Without You.Annie (The Song That Makes You Believe You Are Happy Because It Says That Line Over And Over Again)

And while we’re on the subject, here’s an extra gift:

“Love isn’t supposed to be easy.  Easy don’t make you grow, easy doesn’t make you learn, easy doesn’t make you think.  I thank God every day for giving me a man whom makes me think.”  Madonna on Guy Ritchie, 2004.

July 1, 2009. breakup, love, music. Leave a comment.

Is it Rabbit Hunting Season?

Because I feel like I am writing about “The Girls Next Door”  A LOT recently.

Still avoiding gossip pages, but word in Express today was that Holly Madison and Criss Angel broke up.  And although I have no real interest or feelings towards either of them either way except feeling that they’re both mildly lame, part of it makes me sad because I can’t picture either of these people with anyone else.   She went from Hugh Hefner to Criss Angel and who knows where you can go from there.  And he’s gone from rumored hookups with some of the hottest female celebrities out there to being taken as a bigger joke than the middle-aged guy who hangs outside Hot Topic selling cigarettes to fifteen year-olds.

But maybe I’m just harsh.

In other Angel news, Gisele Bundchen reportedly married Tom Brady in the past few days.  I think this is total BS because 1) it says they got married in a Catholic church and I know that church requires some hard core classes and therapy sessions before they let you do that and they only got engaged in the last two months and 2) the report says the bride and her dogs wore Dior.  Ok, I have never read anything about Gisele’s dogs before and she doesn’t seem like that type.  And even if she were, this entire wedding would have been a much larger affair and we would have had a lot more details and possibly a photo by now.  I’m calling it bluff, they circulated the story themselves so they could try to do it quietly for real in a few weeks.  I’m psychic.

February 27, 2009. breakup, criss angel, girls next door, gisele bundchen, tom brady. 1 comment.

Hot It Girl and Old Former 90s Star Break Up

May I have your attention, gentlemen,

Megan Fox and her fiancee have broken up.

And no, you still don’t have a chance.

But such a shame that the “Brian” tattoo on her bikini line was all for nothing. What a pity.

February 24, 2009. breakup, brian austin green, megan fox, tattoos. Leave a comment.

Not too Sad.

George Clooney and his ladyfriend Sarah Larson have split.

Take it from me, George, when you’re a somebody and you meet a nobody who was once on a reality tv show, it’s a sign not to get involved.

That being sad, those MTV producers still haven’t cast me in their Washington, DC version of The Hills. Call me?!?

May 29, 2008. breakup, george clooney, reality. Leave a comment.

File This One Away With the Rest

hogan

The reality television show trend continues…

First, it was Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey.

Next, Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro split.

Then, Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler called it quits. [They've gotten back together and separated more times than I can count, but bear with me.]

While all these reality television show couples ended in divorce, they all went in front of the cameras while still newlyweds. When Mr. and Mrs. Hulk Hogan let VH1 cameras into their lives, they had been married for two decades. Nevertheless, they were swept into the trend. Linda Bollea filed for divorce against Hulk Hogan this holiday weekend.

And did she tell him beforehand? No. Hulk didn’t find out until a newspaper reporter called him. How sad.

Reality shows are bad for your love life.

November 26, 2007. breakup, divorce, hulk hogan, love, mtv, reality, vh1. Leave a comment.