Baby Watch 2008 Wrap-Up
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz named their son Bronx Mowgli. As much as I may be ashamed of this fact, I’ll admit I kinda love the name. Not something I would ever give to an innocent fetus with a chin the size of an average Hollywood hill and eyeliner practically tattooed to its face. But it’s something I’m glad someone else did so I can live vicariously through them.
Jessica Alba named her baby Honor. Whoop-de-doo. As gorgeous as she is, I think she is one of the most boring celebrities out there. Gentlemen, feel free to substitute the lack of text here with a google image search. It should suffice.
Halle Berry and her model boyfriend had what is likely to be the most beautiful future person ever. Halle has a made full body recovery and was found running around topless in a Canadian city this week for filming a movie about a woman with multiple personalities, one of which is a caucasian racist.
Matthew McConaughey and his model girlfriend had a lil kid Levi. Also up for most beautiful future person ever.
Nicole Richie and Joel Madden had a baby girl. The child is Joel in the female form but still pulls off cute. I think that’s a blessing in itself considering Nicole was found driving the wrong way down a freeway only weeks before getting impregnated. Go Nicole.
Angelina and Brad Pitt had twins in France. 6 kids, 3 boys, 3 girls, 3 biological, 3 adopted. I hate their perfection.
Clay Aiken went the turkey baster route to become a dad. So did Ricky Martin. One came out of the closet, and one is still in there.
To the Beat of a Different Didgeridoo
Nicole Kidman recently appeared on a German talk show to promote her new movie ”Australia”. All thoughts on Baz Luhrman movies aside, Kidman blew a lil didgeridoo on the talk show. And it looked like everyone was having fun, including Hugh Jackman. And then the aboriginees had to come in with their voodoo curses and ruin every one’s good time.
Since women aren’t supposed to play the sacred instrument, the Australian natives have put a curse on Nicole so that she is now barren. 1) That sounds like a pretty disgusting culture to me. 2) Nicole Kidman? The woman had two miscarriages with Tom Cruise back in the day and just had her first kid at 41. When it comes to voodoo curses, can’t they at least pick a woman that’s a greater challenge? Jesus.
What disgusts me even more is the lack of attention this has gotten on pop culture sites. PerezHilton made some joke about botox babies, PinkistheNewBlog made a joke about blowing Tom’s didgeridoo, and the ”feminists” at Jezebel didn’t even cover the story. Given that these websites are run by either gay men or college educated females, one would assume that these groups would be the most outraged against this blatant tribal sexism. Unfortunately, these very groups have put on a tolerance mask that makes them ignore even outright intolerance.
He didn’t just say what I think he did. Did he?
As you may now, baby watch welcomes the birth of a child from the youngest celebrity mom in 2008 today – Jamie-Lynn Spears gave birth to a baby girl today. CNN reports:
“The 17-year-old was the star of Nickelodeon’s “Zoey 101,” a sitcom about prep school friends, and is the younger sister of pop star Britney Spears. The Spears family announced in December that Jamie Lynn was pregnant. The father is Casey Aldridge, a pipe-layer from Liberty, Mississippi. The couple is not married but announced an engagement several months ago.”
Did they really just say that or am I just being a perv?
Anyhow, congrats to the couple! I will buy her a celebratory glass of wine in four years when she’s legal.
Confirmed.
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have confirmed what everyone has known for months.
Needless to say, I’m pretty excited about this. A few questions:
1) Is Ashlee’s dyed red hair gonna grow out as nicely as mine did? (for all you men reading this, pregnant women can’t dye their hair.)
2) Will the kid take after the father or mother musically? I’m sure I won’t be dissappointed either way since I love craptastic music.
3) Is the baby gonna be able to lift up it’s head with that large of a chin?
God, I just love news about fetuses.
He Says, She Says – It’s All About Sales
So Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz got engaged. Then People and Ok! magazines started saying they were pregnant, but didn’t have any proof except and unnamed “source”. Pete Wentz emailed MTV to dismiss the rumors in a roundabout but not direct way. Ashlee Simpson did the same when on TRL two days ago. Yet the two don’t claim any credit for fueling the fire when they made a video a few months ago talking about how they collaborated and something will drop come summer time. And now People magazine is claiming they have a real source – a friend of Ashlee’s dad.
A lil bit odd that this all happens one week before Ashlee’s new album comes out considering her last one didn’t do so well with sales. And on the magazine end, sales have been steadily dropping for those gossip talkers for awhile now.
So who knows. Maybe Ashlee is making it up to try to sell. Maybe the magazines are. Who knows.
All I know is, I’m still reading the gossip and still buying her cd.
xoxo.
News for the Ladies
Let’s be honest here. I’m a twenty-two year old female homo sapien and I was born because my ancestors reproduced. And what has dear evolution given me? Crazy urges to make a baby as soon as possible. And since I am not having a baby anytime soon, I plan on living vicariously though others.
Baby Watch 2008 Continues…
1) Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz got engaged last week. Now why would two young people just beginning their careers want to get married? Obviously, most people don’t think it’s because of true love since the magazines are saying she’s pregnant.
Ugliest. Baby. Ever. Don’t get me wrong – I love my L.O.V.E. and Pete was a crazy mofo when I saw him on stage two years ago. But damn, that would be an unfortunate child.
2) Cate Blanchett gave birth this weekend to her third boy. And she named the kid Ignatius.
All of a sudden I feel as though I am back at the Fordham University campus. Ahhh Catholicism. Kinda crazy for a woman who played Queen Elizabeth, don’t ya think?
3) Jodie Sweetin of Full House fame gave birth this weekend also. You may return to your meaningful lives now.
Baby Talk
Ah. Yes. Hollywood makes babies.
Halle Berry gave birth to a baby girl. With Halle as her mom and this dude for her father, this baby is bound to be the most beautiful girl in the world. Her first words will be “Step aside, Shiloh!”
Despite being blessed with their good looks, she did get a somewhat unfortunate name.
Nahla Ariela.
It’s gonna be real cool when the girl is seven years old to be named after Disney characters. By the time high school rolls around, it’s gonna get real old. Fast.
Then again, I want to name my first daughter Aurora. So I shouldn’t be judging. Right? Right.
Congrats to the couple for a healthy daughter!
It’s Been a Little Over a Week
since our last baby post, so get excited!
Rumors suggest that:
in birthing news, Jennifer Lopez is delivering in Long Island. One baby or two? We shall find out soon!
in possible news, Angelina Jolie wore a brown tent as a dress this weekend fueling pregnancy with twins rumors. Maybe the rumors are true. Maybe Angelina has a sense of humor. But I doubt that.
in making baby news, Gwen Stefani is pregnant with numero dos. As if Kingston wasn’t cute enough!
Further proof that going anywhere near L.A. increases a women’s fertility one thousand fold.
Our Sympathies
Lily Allen has suffered a miscarriage. I hope it has nothing to do with this.
She was carrying the fetus of her and one of the Chemical Brothers. How sad!
