The Mystery of Females
Despite the fact that I am a lady and enjoy being a member of this gender more than I can express (sorry guys), there are a few things about women that I just don’t understand. These observations only catch my attention in certain situations but I can’t seem to stop wondering about them. And yet, I never find an answer either. Here are two questions that have been puzzling me recently. Any responses are welcome.
1) Why do girls love posting photos of Angelina Jolie on their MySpace page? I don’t get it. Never any other actress but Mrs. Brad Pitt.
Even more puzzling is the fact that these photos are always similar but never the same. If I’m ever procrastinating and just happen to click around to observe strangers, I know there’s a 50% chance I will find a picture of Angelina with dark eye liner, hair pulled back, and some sort of gun involved at the bottom of a girl’s “About Me” Section and a 50% chance I will observe a photo of Miss Jolie with dark eye liner, hair pulled back, and doing some strange movement with her tongue in the girl’s “General” Section. I’m starting to believe MySpace has some secret option about choosing which photo, but, maybe I’m registered as a dude or something, cause I sure as hell don’t have it available on my profile.
2) Why do girls love that god awful cloth bag with paisley design? I don’t get it. I forget what the name of the brand is that makes them, but I think it’s based out of Pennsylvania. That being said, it belongs with all the grandparents that live in PA. Paisley bags are only acceptable if you are retired and need a bag to carry your crochet and/or knitting needles and yarn in. Otherwise, NO. What really boggles my mind is that everytime I see a girl with one of them, I don’t see just one girl with them. I see five girls with them. And they are all in a group together. And they all have matching but not identical colors. Am I missing out on a true group of friends that send each other text messages in the morning “It’s Tuesday aka Paisley bag day! Ashley uses orange with blue. Cameron uses blue with yellow. Jessica gets to use her bag with yellow and orange…” If I am missing out on such a group of females, please, do not pass on the invitation. Thanks.
Update: Turns out the name is Vera Bradley. And they come out of Fort Wayne, Indiana. Sorry Anne, but I don’t appreciate that export. Looking at this website makes me want to hurt someone.
The Weekend’s Favorites
You know the economy is bad when the Britney market is down.
Upcoming Gossip Girl plotline revealed.
And the Anti-Obama clip of the moment:
xoxo.
Half A Century.
Fifty is old. But fifty is looking good.
Madonna is celebrtating her half-century mark come August. And right now, Jamie Lee Curtis, also turning fifty this year, is on the cover of AARP magazine (I guess retired people gotta do something with their time, give them a magazine to read) rocking grey hair and swimming without a top on.
I respect it.
Now, That Was a Mistake
Last week’s most famous prostitute made a really bad choice. And I mean really bad. Let’s put it this way, it makes sleeping with Elliot Spitzer for cash look like the best decision ever made. Ashley Alexandra Dupre made the worst choice of her life four years ago on a Girls Gone Wild bus.
And that decision is now costing her one million dollars.
Coincidentally, the same week the Mayflower ship sailed, the Girls Gone Wild MasterMind, Joe Francis was released from jail. Upon his release, he decided that he was gonna start a magazine. And he wanted the hot booty of the week, Miss Dupre, to do a photo spread for the magazine’s first issue. He made an offer of one million dollars.
Then, someone at GGW had the bright idea that they should check their back footage before. I mean, the chances of a “fun-loving” girl from class act New Jersey being on their footage is pretty high, after all. And, lo and behold, they found some footage of her. And by some, I mean, this girl lived on a Girls Gone Wild bus for seven days back around her 18th birthday.
Shortly after, the million dollar offer was rescinded. (You like that fancy law school talk, don’t you ? 
Here’s a lesson to all the 18 year old girls out there. Don’t let Joe Francis tape you. You might become a prostitute one day. And you might one day become the center of a huge sex scandal. And then you might not get the chance to make $1 million from skeezball Joe Francis.
Amen.
Update: Turns out, this whole thing may have just gotten Joe Francis in even more trouble. A rep for Miss Dupre said she was only seventeen when GGW filmed her. That being so, they would not be able to distribute and make profits off the videos of her. Classic.
Baby Talk
Ah. Yes. Hollywood makes babies.
Halle Berry gave birth to a baby girl. With Halle as her mom and this dude for her father, this baby is bound to be the most beautiful girl in the world. Her first words will be “Step aside, Shiloh!”
Despite being blessed with their good looks, she did get a somewhat unfortunate name.
Nahla Ariela.
It’s gonna be real cool when the girl is seven years old to be named after Disney characters. By the time high school rolls around, it’s gonna get real old. Fast.
Then again, I want to name my first daughter Aurora. So I shouldn’t be judging. Right? Right.
Congrats to the couple for a healthy daughter!
Crybaby.
Everyone’s least favorite bearded caveman is back with another message.
This time, he is blaming practically everyone in Europe, including Pope Benedict, for those Mohamed comics. Dude, it was only a cartoon and that happened over two years ago. Get over it. And, for serious, the 80 year old Pope has nothing to do with Danish newspapers.
If I can laugh at Buddy Christ, he can laugh at this.
Reason #453,972 I’m Happy to Live in America
A court in India suspended an arrest warrant against Richard Gere so he is now free to enter the country without fear of prosecution.
Yes, Richard Gere. The dorky Buddhist who owes his career to taking roles John Travolta turned down. Apparently he is a criminal. I’m not the biggest fan of PDA but even I wouldn’t call this a crime scene:
But apparently it’s considered public obscenity and against the law there. Three different court orders came of this kiss with Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty at an AIDS awareness event. A kiss on the cheek is not quite continental.
Sounds like some lawmakers over there are a bit repressed and by repressed I mean they need…. to watch “Pretty Woman” one more time.
Does It All Come Down to Race?
Best logic I’ve heard today – Well, that person looks like me so they would do a good job.
Listen hear to Obama’s mentor. According to him, we should vote for Obama because, well, he has been called a nigger and Hillary Clinton hasn’t. Following that logic, the dude sitting outside Ben’s Chili Bowl waiting for any change that falls onto the sidewalk would do a better job than the NY Senator.
For some reason, we identify with people who look like us, whether it’s race, sex, height, or weight. And we identify, we align and assume that person has the same beliefs and goals. Look at the Mississippi primary results: 94% of black men voted for Obama. Are we as humans that predictable?
By the way, this is the pastor that married Obama and his wife and baptized his children. Half of the people who know who Ron Paul is only know him because they think he is a racist because of two papers written by someone else twenty years ago. Here is a man directly connected to Obama blaming white people for every tragedy over the course of human history . I can only begin to imagine how up-in-arms people would be if McCain even had one crazy in his extended support group who did the same about black people.
Over and out.
I Got My Own Theory To Believe
You think Elliot Spitzer was brought down by some government officials who were simply trying to bust crime and find the truth? Think again.
Meet Ashley Alexandra Dupre. Better known as “Kristen” of the Mayflower fame. Surprise, surprise, this week’s most infamous prostitute has a MySpace page. And no, she hasn’t taken it down or made it private yet, despite the scandal. Her page is dedicated to her music. That’s right, this girl actually wants to be a famous singer.
Personally, I hate it when whores make beautiful music, but her only song posted, “What We Want” is pretty good. Let’s take a look at the data: Total plays – 2,072,899. Plays today (as of 11:30 AM) – 790,597. Plays yesterday – 1,264,334. Less than 48 hours ago, this girl had less than 20,000 listens on her song and as of today, she passed the two million mark. The girl is gonna have a record deal by the end of the week.
And her page’s headline: “What destroys me, strengthens me.” Well, that’s convenient.
This girl wanted fame and she took down the one man who stepped in her way : Elliot Spitzer. And that’s the truth.
Too bad, so sad, enjoy the music.
Update: The song is now playing on NYC’s number one radio station Z100. I think about how I spent my childhood listening to that station and can’t even imagine the conversation the Spitzer girls will have with their mother when this lil number comes on the radio. SVP of Programming for the station says:
“Z100 is all about playing what’s that took down the governor hot, and we can’t think of anything hotter than a song from the woman at the center of a scandal of New York.”
Just crazy. Well, Alexandra, own it.
I Love It.
Dawn Wells, who played Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island was recently arrested.
For marijuana possession!
Not too bad for a 69 year old! And she isn’t looking too bad for that age!
Way to go, Dawn!
