So UnSexy
Maxim released a list a list of the world’s unsexiest women… here it goes!
5. Britney Spears
I agree for this but not because of weight gain, kids, and dirtbag ex. My opinion is there are two types of crazy. There can be sexy crazy and scary crazy. I’m not quite sure who makes sexy crazy the best, maybe a 2001 Angelina Jolie. As for scary crazy, just look at the pink wig wearing, drunk vma performance, frappuccino guzzling, drug user Britney Spears. Woof.
4. Madonna
Chosen for reasons of self-righteousness and her looks degrading since she got married. Now, I’m a big Madonna fan. Big. But I wouldn’t call the 2007 Madonna sexy. She’s got man arms, it happens from too much pilates and yoga and whatnot. Whatever. She’s also half a century old, give her a break. But self-righteous? Let’s go back to the aforementioned Angelina Jolie and the high horse that woman rides more than Brad Pitt.
3. Sandra Oh
I don’t know who this woman is. Apparently she is on Grey’s Anatomy. Few woman look sexy in scrubs. It happens.
2. Amy Winehouse
I agree with this one. Just not for the same reasons. They attribute her ranking to that ratty beehive bird’s nest and “translucent skin.” We all know I’m not one to hate on a pale girl. How-ever. Let’s talk about some other things Amy Winehouse has going for her. 1) Her body weight is equal to Nicole Richie’s breakfast. 2) She has a missing tooth that for some reason she has no qualms about picking at in public. 3) She gets into drunken brawls with her husband and just walks around with his blood all over her body. 4) She has admitted to smoking crack with hookers. Yea, Maxim is right. It’s all about that pale skin.
1) Sara Jessica Parker
Seems a bit harsh for the once lead actress in an HBO show which had “Sex” as the first word in its title, don’t you think?
Now, here’s my list. I know, I know. My opinion is far superior than those lil publishing boys at Maxim and is therefore much more respected.
5. Whichever Olsen twin looks more like a Gremlin today.
It’s like your grandma lost another eighty pounds, put on four tubes of liquid eyeliner, and then threw on her grossest fur coat and smoked seventy cartons of cigarettes. HOTT.
4. Tara Reid.
Plastic surgery gone wrong plus drunk walk of shame. Tara “I Just Wanna Have Some Fun” Reid = Pure Sex.
3. Pregnant Charlotte Church.
I know. I shouldn’t make fun of a pregnant woman. But I still have nightmares of this photo. And now I am gonna share it with all of you… I am that kind.
2. Ann Coulter.
Woof. Nothing is sexier than a classy lady who spouts the F-word and says shocking things just to get her name in the paper. See when Britney Spears or Paris Hilton says something shocking, it’s because they’re drunk. When Ann Coulter says it, it’s just to get people to “take her seriously” and “buy her book”. Yea, thanks, let me read a book titled about how much more mannish you are than any democrat. Because seriously, a title like that leaves something to the imagination. I need to read to learn more because I’m not quite sure where her opinion is. Honestly, though there is nothing sexier than a woman who has a big, dirty mouth who claims she is more of a man than other men. Yum.
1. Pink.
Now I could just poke fun of Pink’s body but what’s the point? We all know she’s got man arms and no boobs and an awful haircut and even worse nickname. What makes Pink really unsexy is that raspy voice and that “Bitch, I’m crazy, I’m gonna jump you if you ever say anything about me and then I’m gonna write a song about how my parent’s divorce fucked me up and I’m gonna fuck you up like that did to me, you got it or do I have to engrave it onto your forehead with my fingernails?” attitude. Honestly, it scares me. And I’m a lil scared to post this cause I’m afraid she will find this on the internet and hunt me down. She will then make me do push up and lunges until I have the body she does which is pretty much the same as that BMX racer husband of hers and then dye my hair pink and make me wear torn clothes and hate every living creature on the planet. But, really Pink is sexy and that’s just my fantasy.
Le fin.
Oogachacha
All together now – “what the hell?”
A few months ago a woman uploaded a short clip of her infant son dancing around to a Prince song.
Shocking, right? Apparently so, the woman has been legally threatened by the artist’s recording company for copyright issues.
Seriously, what’s next? The boy who puts “When Doves Cry” on a burnt cd for his crush or the kid listening to “kiss” way too loud on their ipod while walking around so everyone around can hear the song even though they didn’t pay for it? I understand there is some need to protect copyright issues, but there are bigger fish to fry than babies dancing on youtube.
Nobody can even name a Prince song that has been made in the last decade and a half so they should just be thrilled someone likes a song enough to let their kid listen and dance to it, let alone post it on a website and publicly acknowledge that they are a Prince fan.
Is it odd that Prince had sang about partying like it was 1999, and it was that very year all this hubbub with copyright business exploded with Napster. Universal Music Publishing Group should get over it and be thrilled people are still listening to this guy.
f.i.n.a.l.l.y.
Very few things can bring me joy when I am trapped in a law school for eleven hours straight.
Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal finally coming forward with their relationship is one of them.
I have amazing amounts of respect and admiration for both these actors and to see them happy together makes me ecstatic.
Is it natural for this to happen? Am I living vicariously through celebrities? It was only about a year ago when I was at my computer reading my celebrity gossip for the day, and when I read the news of Reese and Ryan Phillipe’s divorce announcement, I gasped so loud the entire apartment heard. Are we becoming so wrapped up in the lives of others that we attach an emotional sentiment to it? I remember when rumors of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey’s breakup began swirling and one of my friends said “If they can’t make it, who can?” as if the fact that these two pretty dumb people having a reality show made them the poster couple for a successful marriage. However, this interest in celebrity personal lives is nothing new, and it isn’t just in the entertainment industry. Millions of people around the world watched on television to see lady Diana in her Cinderella dress arrive to wed Prince Charles. Last week’s announcement of French President Nicolas Sarkozy and wife’s divorce made front page news. For whatever reason, we are intrigued by the personal lives of those who live in the public eye. Perhaps it is merely curiosity but it may reflect something lacking in our own lives or voyeuristic tendencies.
Regardless of the reason, this photo of Ryan and Reese finally acting like a couple in public has made me happy, and on a rainy day like today, I’m just gonna accept it and be grateful for it.
Smart Choices by Britney, Lesson 5
While in a lot of cases it is a good idea not to take career advice from the person you’ve been spotted hotel bedroom hopping with, other times, it is.
After Britney’s flop of a performance with floppy skin last month, a lot of us were wondering where the heck the magic was in the literal sense. For about two weeks before the performance, Britney had been spotted out with magician Criss Angel into the early hours, and publicists explained they were simply working together for her VMA performance. Likely story. Sure enough, her performance came and went without any magic or mystic in any shape, sense, or form unless a pile of broken dreams and gross hair extensions was what you were looking for in a magic potion. And now, when that performance has almost left our memory, it comes back to haunt us.
Criss Angel apparently has no other way to get back into the tabloids unless he rides the BS-train some more. He has come forth to shock the world with two quotes:
“We were supposed to do a creation of stuff that we worked on and it took a lot of dedication and work to do the things that we wanted to do. Unfortunately for me, she didn’t really want to put forth that type of effort.”
Britney Spears does not even put forth any effort to pass a drug test so she can see her own children. We are talking about pissing into a cup here. Not that difficult. Moving on.
“Basically I said, ‘Don’t worry about me. Do what you want to do. This is a big opportunity for you to do the VMAs, so if you don’t feel it, go with something else.’ And she chose to go with something else.”
Well, alcoholics are known for many things and one of them is making excellent choices. This was no exception. Someone should tell MagicBoy that when you see someone’s life falling down into an endless pit, you don’t tell them to just do whatever they feel like doing. That’s how people die. People have been telling that to Britney for the last four years. Look where that got her.
Over and out.
Every Now and Then
Sometimes, I have this strange desire to want to be from the South. Maybe it’s the idea of palm trees, peaches, Southern belles, and boys who act like gentlemen, but every now and then, I wish I had been born south of that Mason-Dixie line.
And when Stephen Colbert announced his presidential run last week, I wanted to be from South Carolina. Just so I could participate in his sorta-kinda-don’t-think-I’m-kidding run in the South Carolina primary elections.
Honestly, I’m unimpressed with this round of presidential candidates. (Is anyone ever truly impressed by them?) All politicians are awful, no matter how fuzzy you think America would be under the reign of [insert favorite candidate here]. Maybe I have just become cynical in law school, but remember kids, the politicians are in it for the power. There’s no other reason anyone would want that job. To make a difference? Please, that’s a nice fantasy.
So that’s why I admire someone poking into this very system just for a lil bit of fun and laughs.
The government and the way we elect officials was designed for this very purpose. No, Thomas Jefferson did not think we would one day vote for a Comedy Central anchor to rule the free world. But the founding fathers did want a government that people not only participated in but could clearly use to express discontent over the current structure. And it seems that’s what Colbert is doing when he fills out his forms on cable television and considers having Larry Craig as his running mate.
So, if you’re from South Carolina, have some fun with your vote. The rest of the country is not only looking at you, but they are probably jealous as well.
Pure Class
Rounding out an amazing month of his ex-wife marrying the dude-who-banged-Paris, hooking up with Paris himself, and then releasing an album no one cares about, Kid Rock was arrested this morning. For battery. At a Waffle House. In Georgia. It doesn’t get much classier than this.
Oh yes, it does. Apparently the fight started after another customer made a comment about a female in Rock’s entourage at 5 AM. So, basically, after a concert, Kid Rock picks out a local groupie, woes her with romance, and then brings her to the Waffle House for breakfast. Groupie whore is recognized by another early morning Waffle House patron and then fists fly to protect her honor between sludgy coffee and cold scrapple.
I’ve been on classy dates, but not as classy as this. Maybe one day my dream will come true. Bawitdaba, indeed!
How Much Does She Care?
Remember when she worked on the “Vote or Die” campaign and then it turned out she was never even registered to vote?
Yea, well, lil Miss Do-Gooder is at it again.
Paris Hilton announced a few weeks ago that she was planning to go to Rwanda to do some charity work. Fair enough, I’m all for giving people second chances. Maybe she is a changed woman, I wasn’t gonna assume anything. And here it comes, the biggest shocker of it all -
She is going for five days with a film crew to tape it for a reality show called “The Philanthropist”.
Ok, the girl does not have a job and she is only going for five days. Let’s do a little addition, shall we?
One first-class round-trip ticket from LA to Rwanda, M to F so she doesn’t miss any partying, of course.
+
Accommodations for one dog aboard.
+
Fees for extra luggage.
+
Economy class tickets for the camera crew.
+
Luxury hotel stays for those days. Miss Hilton will not be staying in a tent, you idiot.
Now, I am all for good causes. But, if you’re gonna give, you may as well be efficient about it. Add up all these nice expenditures. Compare it to what Paris is actually going to do in Rwanda. Five days of visiting schools and health care clinics. Now, I do not belittle human rights work. I think a lot of change is needed in this world. But change in countries like this is not going to happen when Paris Hilton comes rolling into a little kids school and calls the little boys “cute” and teaches the girls to say “That’s Hot.” What these countries need to turn around is property rights, clean water, opportunities to work, vaccinations, and money. Yes, it’s cynical. But it’s a fact- a lot more good could be accomplished by writing a check out to organizations that are already present in Rwanda rather than paying for her and a camera crew to fly all the way over there so she can hug a few kids.
However, I will be wrong by one of two things:
1) All proceeds made by this television series goes to programs that make a difference.
2) The series airs and raises more awareness about the issue and inspires more people to give.
I am simply advocating the most effective way she could actually help the people in Rwanda whom she supposedly wants to help. So far, however, it seems merely like a publicity stunt in an attempt to prove she is a changed woman. For some reason, I really hope she has changed for the better.
It’s Happening Before Our Eyes
Coming straight after yesterday’s post on Spencer Pratt’s White House aspirations, this photo was posted today on TMZ.
They’re already training to get the right look of a first couple.
I can see their policies now… He will fight terror by spreading rumors that Osama Bin Laden made a sex tape with a Jewish boy, and Heidi will allow for socialized health care to cover breast implants for any girl who was teased in high school.
So much for the free world. We are all doomed.
From Reality Joke to President?
Woof.
In an interview with Radar magazine, Spencer Pratt tells the world he wants to one day go into politics. Pretty admirable for a guy whose current career is looking like an idiot on MTV and ruining the lives of others.
Don’t you worry that your fights today will affect your future?
Well, I definitely want to go into politics later in my life. I plan to be governor at least, and president if possible. But if people look back on the show, I’ll say, who were you when you were 23 years old? Don’t tell me you didn’t go to the nightclub and get in fights with your girlfriend and throw paint on the wall. It’s not going to affect my politics and things I want to change. It’s going to be about who I want to be and not who I was when I was 20.
Sorry, Spencer, you could find the cure for cancer, and you would still be known as that ugly kid who acted like a catty 14 year old girl on MTV in order to be a semi-household name.
Sure, Arnold Schwarzenegger is now a governor, but his work in front of the camera includes nice weight lifting videos, one of the best action movies of all time, and a few kid friendly films as well. Spencer Pratt just likes making twenty-something girls cry and convincing his girlfriend to get a boobjob.
On second thought, he is a total money-grubbing dirtball who will do anything to climb to the top. He loves attention, has a shady past, can put on awful apparently fake charm, has no problem calling out those opposing him, enjoys making enemies as well as professional connections, and thinks he has the solution for everything. Maybe he would be perfect for the job.
Cute matching shirts, by the way.
